LEADERSHIP: A GOOD MIRROR IS THE BEST MENTOR

When I pass a mirror, I often check how I look.  Vanity?  Probably.  Yet, it may tell me to straighten my tie or tidy my hair.  But, what I need more than a snapshot of my appearance is a mirror showing me how I behave; and, its impact on others.

It might help me learn to avoid angry, over-the-top reactions, snide put-downs or cold silences.  To be an effective leader, I need followers; and, if they're going to follow, I need more effective ways to interact.  Do you know anyone like that?

Where can I start?  First, admit I've got a problem.  As with any addiction, start by owning it.  Then?  A friend advised me to understand my personal values and biases, which influence my reaction to others and their views; to seek and act on feedback from those who work with me; and, to develop self-control - and, more appropriate responses.  Wow, great ideas but how?

A starting point for self-control is finding triggers: to warn me the problem's coming.  Some people ask a colleague to warn them quietly, when they see the pressure rising, hear that tone of voice or read the tell-tale colouring or rigid stance.  But, over time, we must learn sensitivity: picking the signs that others see and feel.

Another tack is to imagine ourself in the other person's position.  How does the situation (and my behaviour) look, sound and feel from where they stand?

My years of observation (across industries and cultures) have shown it's often a bright and ambitious professional (lawyer, actuary, engineer, or whatever), who has difficulty.  It doesn't matter that it's driven by searching for high standards or a passion to get things done - or, that they're just as tough on themself.  The explosive or dismissive behaviour is mostly counter-productive - certainly over time.

Be more self-aware!

Categories for this Potshot:

Be EQ-effective, Build teams and relationships,

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